Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
