I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
