In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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