please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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