how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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