Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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