I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
