just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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