He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
