There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
