Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
