you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
