mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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