haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
