RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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