I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
