Having a random hookup so left but love u
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
