i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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