Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just cut my nipple shaving
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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