I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize