Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
