I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
