I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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