Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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