Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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