I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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