she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
