I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
