i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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