did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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