Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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