Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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