My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's the barista slut.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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