Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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