Where did you get a picture of my penis
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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