did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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