I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
