I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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