drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
