On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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