Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
