hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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