You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
