Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
