the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
