he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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