After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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