I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
