if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
