Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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