High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
