If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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