i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
