Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
