I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
