Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
