there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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