Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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