I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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