I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
