So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
