i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
