Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
