The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
