did you get engaged???
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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