Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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