I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
