I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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