We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize