Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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