Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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