there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
