somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
