Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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