think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
