Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
