I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
