I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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