wrigley field is MILF paradise
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
