trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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