He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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