I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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