I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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