I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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