i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
