dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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