Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
