Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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