Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
