Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
