I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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