This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
