are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
