absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize