I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
