is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
