i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
