Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
