my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
