you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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