i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
