Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
