any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
