gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
