You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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